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I feel like i have been waiting for a change for something to happen in life. Something. Something…
Have felt like i have been sitting in a train that only goes one way and you cant get off for as soon as you try it goes faster again throwing you to the floor. Sometimess it does stop but people push you back in.

So soon you start meeting wonderful people and realizing that every human no matter how simple they might look they all have a story. You realize that its no coinsidence you stayed where you were.

In this train that seems to go one way i have met everyone from druggies to business people to kids who teach you a lesson to lovers and murderes…
I have met everyone.

But i am stuck in this train and it only goes one way.
Through this glass i see beautiful and filthy places but i can only see freedom through a glass and never taste it,touch,feel, and make it me.

This train the one that only goes one way is has a slave to other peoples emotional wellness serving as a krutch for them. Yes, they gave me life but as my duty to them i shall live it.
After all life is not life if you do not live it.

I am waiting for a change in a train that only goes one way. In need of a change a change of pace.
A change and a chance to make this what i am my own to be my own owner.
To live and be able to touch and feel the places and people the world i can only seee through a glass.
To get off this train and walk into my own where everyone else is a passanger that can leave whenever they desire.
It is the time for a change in this train that only goes one way.
Time to rip apart from the chains that hold me and fulfill my dreams.
Its time.
The time for a change.

The time is now i served my sentense.



“Why do you make mom cry?” asked my brother firmly and followed by his silence waiting for a response that was never going to come. Instead I just stared at him as he looked away from me a little a shamed a little hurt. Little did I know that since then since one year ago an answer to that question would be inexistent. I simply did not have the emotional or mental capability to show reasoning and the ability to say anything at least. But anything is not good sometimes silence is better than words than the damage of speaking a faint truth that did not correlate to the question in this whole.

It was that night that a boy opened my eyes to real happiness I knew the concept of a simple life filled with abundant good but never really understood and experienced it firsthand. He taught me how to look at the stars at night and literally wish upon a star, to look at sunsets with great love, enjoy walking under the rain without shame of looking like a rag doll, to take at least 5 minutes to walk the dog and pay attention and love to it, say hello to everyone that might cross my way and when I say everyone I mean EVERYONE!, and just sit next to someone and enjoy the simple company, to give a hug, to smile without fear, to be vulnerable, to never give up on love and life, and to keep a promise.

This boy tough me life and that you do not need much or anything to be happy. Many people will argue that you need things to be happy like money, cars, clothes, etc and to be honest you don’t! Of course I won’t debate this but all humans need the basics which is food, shelter, protection , etc. If you really ask , what is happiness? The answer will be ….. what makes your soul smile. You don’t need a whole lot of money to be happy or luxurious things or even go to college the key is to do what you want and don’t doubt yourself if it makes you happy do it. Look past life’s dilemmas because in 10 years or even in a week will that problem still matter? Would you even remember? For years I have been away from “home” spent my whole life studying, making art, and waiting for a bigger whole it is unfortunate. However, I look past that because my life is just as perfect as it can get yes I do miss closure sometimes but the people I have met and have changed me make this ride worth it.

This 11 year old is my brother his innocence has opened my eyes to see what real happiness really is that it only takes one minute to make you happy for the rest of the year or even life, one glimpse to have a life change. So to answer the question: “why do you make mom cry” I can say with the heart on my hand, that she cries because I have followed my own path and have gotten lost and returned and cant be found. That I have wished upon the stars and elevated far from her to where she cannot touch me. That every night for 19 years she has wished to have witness my life and never had the chance due to her own issues. I make her cry just like a lot of people because I have changed and this new change did not include her. This only included my own definition of family, life, art, love, and I.

This is what defines happiness for me I travel my own road and live my own life finally.

Broken Glass (poem)

Broken Glass

By Alessandra Paul

Never will I see the sun, its eyes are my light.

Safe inside I find my agony reflected upon shinny glass.

Darkness surrounds my atmosphere and now I’ve lost my sight.

This sad scenery has made me realize I left nothing behind, at last.

Glorious moon never shall it shine, my pallor face has found its sun.

It shines and shines, and shines again fitting perfectly into my skin.

The burden that wrapped has been thrown and taken its place now in dust.

The glass is half broken now and reasons to smile are written on this list.

Red and white flow through the cracks this is my time to say I was built with lust.

Lust for a dream and wish for immortality, but death was never forsaken.

Your love made me realize I shouldn’t fear what’s inside…

Holding now the hourglass and your love, while lying on this cold floor adorned with broken glass and my sanguine rain, now my life I have taken.

I left all behind at last.

Time has come to mind and has made me realize I left nothing behind at last.

A Land Called Italy

A land called Italy

By: Alessandra Paul

Out of all the trips I have taken no trip had ever been so exhausting, painful, filled with excruciating jet lag every other day,  filled with emotions, dream fulfilling, new hopes and dreams, life changing experience, and had taught me things. In no other trip had I met such beautiful people such as a woman from Dallas/Iowa and a poet I met in the train station of Florence, among other people.  As well as taken 8 plus airplanes, 8 trains, countless of metros and buses, a water taxi (Venice), and had to manage myself in five languages (English, Spanish, Italian, German, and French).

The beautiful places I had the pleasure of seeing where: Florence, Assisi, Venice, Rome, and the Vatican as well as a day stay in Frankfurt, Germany. I especially feel in love with Firenze (Florence) and will be looking for any excuse to go back there. The Vatican (Il Vaticano) was such a magical place the amount of art being handled there and its beauty made me want to shed a couple of tears at the end of the day. And seeing Pope John Paul II’s grave caused a weird sensation within me, something I hadn’t felt in years. Assisi was just plain adorable and stunning! It remains as a medieval place and the basilica was very vampiric as only candles would be served as light and no cameras were allowed 😦 . Venice (Venezia) was also beautiful but my least favorite for there was only one attraction there: San Marcos Basilica and the fact that the whole town is basically on water. At last Rome, this was my home for two weeks and I fell completely and utterly in love with it. This is my new home away from home.

Sadness though has taken place in my heart for I did not get to see the only Michael Angelo piece I had left to see: the David and couldn’t go visit my beautiful Milan :(.

But the saddest thing was, going back to the U.S. for nothing is really waiting when you come back versus the staying in a new place were you have all to gain and lovers yet to make and find.

I came to the sad conclusion that any place seems to be better than the U.S for me. However, I am content to know that I belong somewhere just not here. So Europe see you in a year! Switzerland you are my next! .Hopefully.

All these pictures were taken in the wonderful paradise land of Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco and its little towns in and around it. This new photography album is titled: “A World Not Far Away” because as a person who’s soul has been searching for a paradise for almost a decade now, has finally found it. Paradise is not far away in fact it can be right in front of us just like our dreams, what we have been searching for all along.
Location: ALL over Mexico/Pt.Vallarta

Hawaii Dolphins |Adopt a Spinner Dolphin, facts information.

Adopt A Dolphin, Protect a Pod

As living legends, the wild spinner dolphins have historically entered nearshore areas to rest, play, nurse and teach their young . Revered by Hawaiian’s, they are symbolic of many qualities lost in the disconnection from nature experienced by humans; such as playfullness, joy and trust.

Up until 1995, the spinners were found in particualr areas on a daily basis in pods of 65-70 animals. Today, in these same areas, they are present only a few days out of the month and the pod has shrunk to an average of 35 animals. This disruption appears to be caused by intense and unregulated visitation by dolphin tour boats.

The Wild Dolphin Foundation needs your help in protecting these majestic creatures.

Adoption Kit includes (please allow up to six weeks for delivery):

  • “Everyone Needs a Porpoise in Life ” WDF bumper-sticker
  • Personalized Certificate of Adoption
  • Subscription to our e-newsletter
  • History about your dolphin and updates
  • Be placed in their MySpace profile “Top Friends”

Two-V | Hoku | RipCurl |Kiko | Silver (bottlenose dolphin)| Arieanne (Hawaiian False Killer Whale – facing extinction!)|

Help save the Wild Dolphins of Hawaii, adopt a Dolphin today for only $35

With the speculations being made about the world ending in 2012, fear has instilled itself within my veins and taken over my mind. As a lover of philosophy, however, I believe this is not so. I believe that the human and soul connection will disappear and an evolution will occur; this evolution is the mind and the spiritual exodus. My main inspirations were F. Nietzsche, the wonderful culture of Mexico, and the CD Death Cult Armageddon, which made me question the legitimacy of this event.

My idea is that once 2012 passes, some people will advance or regress in the spiritual and mental level and will have accompanied factors such as knowledge, mutation, and either reach spiritual highness or descend. In my concentration I narrate the story of the last days with images from everyday people and angels. They were portrayed with physical and spiritual aspects, thus hinting the ghostly images and aura colors in all the pictures. Some images depict completeness; no auras or soul detachment can be seen. While others show enslavement of self , corruption from “godly” figures, searching, spiritual ultimatum, and, of course, failure and the fallen.

welcome to a new age, the age of spiritual exodus…


Alessandra Paul

Place : Amaggedon

God hates us all?

God hates us all?
By Alessandra Paul

Almost every day soldiers, veterans, and military officials perish; military funerals are arranged with burial services and processions taking place; everything goes as planned, until one peculiar person or group shows up.
Banners and signs reading “THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS”, “9/11 A GIFT FROM GOD”, and “UNITED YOU’LL FALL” are held with a strong grip.
“I can’t believe they have the audacity to protest the very soldiers that are dying for our freedom,” said Zach Falkenberry, student at Texas A&M University,
The name of this church  organization is called “God Hates America” whose duty is to let Americans know how much God hates our nation and bring a message of hate and pain to all Americans and affected families.
Some ideals that this group of people proclaim are how all illnesses, hurricanes, and tragedies are a punishment from God because America has so many homosexuals, sodomy, abortion, an anti-Christ President, divorce, etc.
“Those people have taken advantage of their freedom; to make a statement so bold as to say that 9/11 was a gift from God is like saying that the death of 2,617 people was at no price at all; what kind of person would stand at genocide and praise evil?” said Kyle Matthew Wyndham, a junior in Cathedral.
Freedom cannot be abolished, but I am sure that our Forefathers wouldn’t have thought of this ever happening here in America.
Due to these uncalled protests, Republican Representative, Mike Rogers, is introducing a legislation that forbids people to protest at funerals, must stay away from funeral services for 500 feet, and all protests are banned before and after 60 minutes of the funeral services.
There should be a law to make such protests illegal on funeral grounds; whether we like it or not, soldiers are heroes and without them America would not be the greatest country in the world.

The effect of “Satanic” metal
By Alessandra Paul

April 20th, 1999 Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold made a plot to kill everyone at their school in Columbine, just two weeks before their graduation; sadly, this not only turned into a mass murder of 13 people, 20 injured bodies, and a double suicide, but a mass or pointing fingers at the Metal world.

Reports have stated that Harris and Klebold were part of the Trench Coat Mafia and fans of Marilyn Manson; many Christians such as David J. Stewart have gone to the extreme of saying that Manson inspires kids to kill.

“If you don’t want society to come after you when shootings occur, then maybe you shouldn’t go around singing about murdering people,” said Stewart.

The main question here is: does “Satanic” Metal make people really kill? Or does the murderer have the killing gene within already? Is there anyone really to blame?

“Satanic Music would be described as any type of music that exemplifies Satan or the teachings of Satanism. Even Anton LaVey put out Satanic Music and it wasn’t even close to metal sounding,” said Mike Browning, Ex-drummer/vocalist of band Morbid Angel.

In the 1990’s a wave of church burnings and murders took Norway by surprise, as people with corpse paint, pentagrams, and Satanists, appeared with a violent approach.

Ironically, guitarist of Emperor, Samoth and Varg Vikernes of Burzum were the first two individuals to initiate the church burnings and the murders of fellow musicians and people such as Oysten Aarseth of Mayhem.

These infamous happenings led to a lot of speculation and people started associating black vestments, music, and looks with murderers; and of course kids trying to copy their role models; but, can one really blame the music industry?

“I think that’s most likely a result of poor parenting,” said Joe Letz, drummer of band Combichrist.

“People should be looking at the environment that such people are brought up in. What drives a person to such hate? Was it a serious failing on the part of the system, and the parents to educate and observe if there may be any form of irrational and adverse behavior and deal with the problem before it spirals out of control, and show some form of caring and responsibility? Or did Marilyn Manson have some form of hypnotic power over these individuals, and make them go on a killing spree in his name?” said BobSwan/ Asmodeus Hru an rtists, novelist, and Satanic Thelamite.

Music, as we might like to recognize this or not, does have an effect on everyone, this wonderful creation helps kids to memorize and learn new things, calm one’s self, and serve as therapy, etc.

For example, Lexa Vonn a writer and founder of The Plastics professional groupies, found that in Marilyn Manson’s album Anti-Christ Superstar had a positive message and even saved her life at one of her lowest points.

“Although the suicide rate is higher among rock and heavy metal fans, a study of students with psychiatric disorders who were also heavy metal fans actually showed improved mood after listening to their music of choice.” stated Jennifer Copley in Psychology of Heavy Metal Music.

It has been proven that music also has a biological effect on a person, for it is linked to the pain perception receptors of the body and the Limbic System is directly affected by it; however one can battle that not everyone is affected by this.

“Most of us have experienced kind of a rush when approaching a concert of a more aggressive/”evil”/doomy kind,  but personally I think this is more healthy to have “contact” with such than to repress it and later go amok with a shotgun or whatever. ” said Tormentor, guitarist of Black Metal band Gorgoroth.

For example, last Halloween, a Marilyn Manson song was performed by the dance group in Loretto High School and no girl went on a rampage; this simply served to create a great atmosphere.

“Since the beginning of time sounds like chanting and drumming have been used in rituals to work the person up to a frenzied state which causes a direct psychological effect on the brain and the body and can cause visions and even seizures,” said Browning.

Music might affect some people’s mind, which basically consists of people who find comfort in this music and fail to set a balance between what’s reality and music/art; their oppression or whatever happens to be their issue begins to find a way of venting out.

As for music, art, poetry, etc. one cannot take everything seriously; art itself is only but an interpretation of something, an expression, a reflection. Stanton LaVey, grandson of Anton LaVey, founder of the Satanic Church paints murders, but, nevertheless he isn’t going out there murdering people.

“Art is left open to one’ s interpretation. It’s where your head is at and who you are in your soul that makes you see something one way or another. Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon because of his interpretation of the classic novel, Catcher In The Rye. Yet, high schools still require this book,” said Lexa Vonn.

Many bands, as we know, sell out and portrait themselves as something they are not; it takes a weak-minded individual to do what the artist is portraying, when in all reality the musicians don’t believe or even take part of any real sacrifices or worshipping.

“I would say the majority of musicians and bands that have Satanic or similar imagery and music are only doing it for the shock value and to sell their product.” said Browning

One needs to remember that art is but an interpretation of things and as King Diamond once said: “We are entertainers not preachers” or  Cronos of Venom who also stated: “This is basically entertainment; that’s as far as it goes.”

The quest of finding if music tied with killings or destructive behavior will always be debated, but one thing needs to be set clear,Metal or in this case “Satanic” metal does not make you kill, the individual already has an innate drive for murder.

“I wonder what the Church was playing and listening to when there was hundreds of years of Witch Trials, and hundreds of thousands, or maybe even millions of men, women and children were burnt at the stake for Witchcraft. I wonder what music incited the Crusaders to one hundred years of war, bloodshed and murder.” said Asmodeus Hru.

By Alessandra Paul

A man and I were talking about how beautiful the moon looked the other night, we then spoke of sunrises and sunsets, how beautiful they were. I never had seen a sunset and sunrises only but a few.

But, now that I remember I have seen a sunset, something I have dreaded for so long. I wanted my first sunset to mark happiness, I wanted it to be something special. Something to tell me I was alive.

Every year for about five years now I have traveled on a tour bus from the U.S. to exotic, cultural, and beautiful places in Mexico. The only thing I loved more than traveling itself has been and always will be watching the stars at night in those deserted places one must cross to reach your other destination.

The stars look so perfect, there are no lights to kill their presence. They look like they are a bunch of diamonds laid across a big black curtain, I only hope that when I die I can become an angel in the sky and owe all those beautiful shinny rocks called stars.

However, nights I have seen plenty of times, its lost its meaning to me quite a bit, sunsets and sunrises are of importance to me now, I have always loved to sit and watch one. Till last December.

Annually every X-mas I go to Pt. Vallarta in Mexico for personal reasons, holidays just suck for me. I have gone to this paradise for three years now and this last year it was life changing.

I saw my first sunset, and what better than in the ocean shore located in El Malecon, I didn’t want to watch at first, but its beauty was so astonishing and mesmerizing, that in that moment, I decided that this agony was no good, the people that have left my life are never coming back, that I am so fortunate to have this life, to be alive, and to have such beautiful family members that greet me with such love. I am so lucky to have the life I have, I am not poor, unhealthy, or derange. I mean I could be worse.

Then in that moment I realized that happiness has nothing to do with materialism but rather with the people that surround you, the things you love doing, and for me I found that art, music, love, and truth is what happiness is for me and nothing else nothing more.

In this place and time I realized that happiness for me is already gained and seeing this sunset just proved to me how alive I really am.

I still love the still of the dark night like the ones in Chihuahua, Zacatecas, or on the road to Nevada or California, where the stars are only but diamonds.

But, the ocean’s sunset in the various beaches of Vallarta like in Conchas Chinas or El Eden, reassured me that life still exists within me, reassured me that my life is perfect and I wouldn’t trade it for nothing.