Tag Archive: love


The cycle of the human transforming into a different being.

La Vie en Rose- Edith Piaf

Des Yeux Qui Font Baisser Les Miens
Un Rire Qui Se Perd Sur Sa Bouche
Voila Le Portrait Sans Retouche
De L’homme Auguel J’appartiens

Quand Il Me Prend Dans Ses Bras,
Il Me Parle Tout Bas
Je Vois La Vie En Rose,
Il Me Dit Des Mots D’amour
Das Mots De Tous Les Jours,
Et Ca Me Fait Quelques Choses
Il Est Entre Dans Mon Coeur,
Une Part De Bonheur
Dont Je Connais La Cause, C’est Lui Pour
Moi, Moi Pour Lui Dans La Vie
Il Me L’a Dit, L’a Jure Pour La Vie,
Et Des Que Je L’apercois
Alors Je Sens En Moi, Mon Coeur Qui Bat…

Des Nuits D’amour A Plus Finir
Un Grand Bonheur Qui Prend Sa Place
Les Ennuis, Des Chagrins S’effacent
Heureux, Heureux A En Mourir

I feel like i have been waiting for a change for something to happen in life. Something. Something…
Have felt like i have been sitting in a train that only goes one way and you cant get off for as soon as you try it goes faster again throwing you to the floor. Sometimess it does stop but people push you back in.

So soon you start meeting wonderful people and realizing that every human no matter how simple they might look they all have a story. You realize that its no coinsidence you stayed where you were.

In this train that seems to go one way i have met everyone from druggies to business people to kids who teach you a lesson to lovers and murderes…
I have met everyone.

But i am stuck in this train and it only goes one way.
Through this glass i see beautiful and filthy places but i can only see freedom through a glass and never taste it,touch,feel, and make it me.

This train the one that only goes one way is has a slave to other peoples emotional wellness serving as a krutch for them. Yes, they gave me life but as my duty to them i shall live it.
After all life is not life if you do not live it.

I am waiting for a change in a train that only goes one way. In need of a change a change of pace.
A change and a chance to make this what i am my own to be my own owner.
To live and be able to touch and feel the places and people the world i can only seee through a glass.
To get off this train and walk into my own where everyone else is a passanger that can leave whenever they desire.
It is the time for a change in this train that only goes one way.
Time to rip apart from the chains that hold me and fulfill my dreams.
Its time.
The time for a change.

The time is now i served my sentense.


Broken Glass (poem)

Broken Glass

By Alessandra Paul

Never will I see the sun, its eyes are my light.

Safe inside I find my agony reflected upon shinny glass.

Darkness surrounds my atmosphere and now I’ve lost my sight.

This sad scenery has made me realize I left nothing behind, at last.

Glorious moon never shall it shine, my pallor face has found its sun.

It shines and shines, and shines again fitting perfectly into my skin.

The burden that wrapped has been thrown and taken its place now in dust.

The glass is half broken now and reasons to smile are written on this list.

Red and white flow through the cracks this is my time to say I was built with lust.

Lust for a dream and wish for immortality, but death was never forsaken.

Your love made me realize I shouldn’t fear what’s inside…

Holding now the hourglass and your love, while lying on this cold floor adorned with broken glass and my sanguine rain, now my life I have taken.

I left all behind at last.

Time has come to mind and has made me realize I left nothing behind at last.

The night that kills

The night that kills

By: Alessandra Paul

Last night a guy asked for some words of wisdom from me, he had just broken up with his girlfriend, and he needed some consoling from me now. He said over and over how he’s ok during the day but the nights were the one’s that killed.

I couldnt give him any words of wisdom I just couldnt tell him much about his situation for I have spent about a year dying every night. My longing for my old love is still there. Missing how his voice would be the last melody and first to hear as I awoke or closed these eyes of mine, has caused such immense agony.

Nights are so hard on me; it’s so hard to drift into a dreaming world without the peace and serenity to ease you down. Every night I just pretend that he is still here, I picture saying goodnight to him and giving him a goodnight kiss. I just dwell on memories to make me fall asleep fast and pretend that he still is in my life and I on his.

I like to believe as if we were still waiting for each other and were getting married after graduation.

Still say to myself how big of a mistake he was, how perfect this creature who’s heart I tore and who killed me was the only man I have ever loved.

My father once said that everyone in our lives are transitory. People come and go and they come only to fulfill a gap, a something we are missing, and leave after their will is done.

That was my only advice for this young guy whose heart was broken, how transitory everyone was but, not to give up his hope for one day we would find closure, we would find someone or something that wasn’t transitory. One day we would find a never ending season where we would be able to stay in forever.

I also told him the soon to be proven truth: time heals all. That new people will merge into his life and that maybe those people will help him forget for a while or break his spell forever.

One day we will love again and be loved in return, have to believe that the night will come when we will be able to close our eyes without any help from anyone, without memories, without suffocating and passing out from the torturing loss.

Unerhört (Unheard Letter)

This is an old piece of writing I found last night so I decided to finish it. The original version is in German (don’t ask why) but below is a simple less complicated american version of this. Also, this will be included in a new story I am writing called : “Of Damned Ancestry”.


Ich hoffe, dass keine längeren Atem
Aus diesem Atmung und Verheißungen des Lebens erinnern mich an Sie.
Jedesmal, wenn ich atme Ich erinnere mich, dass Sie das einmal in mir.
Ich hoffe, eines Tages nicht die Kraft, die Augen offen
Das Morgenlicht spiegelt dein Gesicht
Und ich noch aufwachen, wartet auf Sie.
Fehlt mir das Gefühl, als ob ich in der Vergangenheit, obwohl ich nicht wusste, wie ich dich liebe.
Manchmal will ich aufhören zu leben
Manchmal will ich auf das Gefühl zu stoppen
Manchmal will ich zu lächeln und glauben, dass ich eines Tages wieder lieben werden.
Ihr Unternehmen ist, was ich am meisten vermissen
Und jetzt werde ich schlafen schlafen und
Und Traum und Traum mit dir meine Liebe.

Ich weiß nicht, was ich mit meinem Wesen jetzt tun, den Sinn des Lebens nicht mehr existiert.
Es gibt keinen Tag, als ich quäle mich nicht für deine Liebe nicht zu erkennen.
Ich hoffe, nicht mehr leben
Ich hoffe, nicht mehr denken
Ich hoffe, dass nicht mehr weinen oder versuchen Sie zu lächeln.
I miss you so much
Ich möchte eines Tages wieder sehen.
Manchmal würde ich gerne zurück zu dieser Vergangenheit und sitzen mit Ihnen in die Ewigkeit Und sagen Sie das “Ich liebe dich” Ich habe nie gesagt habe.

Unheard Letter

I hope to no longer breath
For this breathing and promises of life remind me of you.
Every time I inhale I remember that you once existed in me.
I hope to one day lack the strength to open my eyes
The morning light reflects your face
And I still wake up in waiting for you.
Wanting to feel myself as if I was in the past; even though I didn’t know how to love you.
Sometimes I want to stop living
Sometimes I want to stop feeling
Sometimes I want to smile and believe that one day I will love again.
Your company is what I miss the most
And now I shall sleep and sleep
And dream and dream with you my love.

I don’t know what to do with my being now, the sense in life no longer exists.
There is no day I don’t torture myself for not recognizing your love.
I hope to no longer live
I hope to no longer think
I hope to no longer cry or try to smile.
I miss you so much
I want to one day see you again.
Sometimes I would love to go back to this past and sit with you in the eternity and tell you the : “I love you” I never told you.

Amar Y Querer (Love and Want)

A dear friend of mine AnaLaura Diaz showed me this song this week and to be honest it made me rethink and reflectionize on what I call “love” and “want”. Made me see that my past ghosts really did love me and that infact, sadly I was the one who often confused “love” with want. But now I proved to myself again that I did in fact love even though its too late and time cannot permit me to ever tell the people in my past “I love you” more often. To wish is a waste and to want to tell the dead I really did love them is too, but I would feel so much better if my past would recognize that love once existed but it exists no more….That love for certain people such as family and friends still exists as it did in the past but now with more fervor.
I proved to myself again that I know what love is, I know how to love and how to be loved. I once was loved and in-love. I dont regret wanting I regret not loving. Even though I scorn my past I must thank all the people in it for it was through them I knew how to love and to recognize love and want. This song once again proved to myself that I know how to love and I did love and still love all of you with all my dying heart and I am very sorry if I ever pushed you aside (family and past lovers). I love you all even though I don’t say it so often or didnt say it, I am sorry that in the past my selfishness and blindness forbid me to recognize your love.

Amar Y Querer-Jose Jose

Casi todos sabemos querer
pero pocos sabemos amar
Y es que amar y querer no es igual
Amar es sufrir querer es gozar

El que ama pretende senvir
el q ama su vida la da
El que quiere pretende vivir
y nunca sufrir y nunca sufrir
El que ama no puede pensar
Todo lo da todo lo da
El que quiere pretende olvidar
y nunca llorar y nunca llorar
El querer pronto puede acabar
El amor no conoce el final

Es q todos sabemos querer
pero pocos sabemos amar
El amar es el cielo y la luz
El amar es total plenitud
Es el mar q no tiene final
Es la gloria y la paz
Es la gloria y la paz
El querer es la carne y la flor
es buscar el oscuro rincón
Es morder, arañar y besar
Es deseo fugaz es deseo fugaz
El que ama no puede pensar
Todo lo da todo lo da
El que quiere pretende olvidar
y nunca llorar y nunca llorar
El querer pronto puede acabar
El amor no conoce el final

Es que todos sabemos querer
pero pocos sabemos amar.

My apologies also go to: Megan, momma, Bret, Andrew (my brother), Jake,Brett,Aaron,Maury. I loved you all so much and I am forever sorry for making your heart dead at times. I loved tou all so much even though I dont anymore I just had to get it off my heart. I still love some of you and I will always do so. Thank you for loving me when you did. Thank you for being there even though it was transatory, all of you fulfilled an emptiness inside and saved me when I most needed it; some of you even made me mature…. You all know what you did for me and thank you. I loved you all so much.