Tag Archive: suicide

Starting over

Starting over

By Alessandra Paul

My best friend used to be bulimic and a cutter, and I watched her destroy herself slowly in a period of four years; I watched her wither like a flower as days passed by.

Offering all the help I could give her, I stayed by her side; she was like my sister, her pain was my pain, but my help seemed to be never good enough.

She was far too gone as days passed by. Like water escaping between fingers, her condition just worsened; our friendship started to die as she drowned deeper in an invisible ocean.

People like friends, boyfriends, and teachers would offer her lifelines, but she foolishly declined them always.

I would always wonder why? Why does she not listen? My mind would go wild thinking of her tragic end and what I would do and feel if she would cease to exist


Worrying, nights and days would pass wondering if she would survive that day or night.  Will I get a phone call saying she is gone?

Nobody could help her, as she seemed to be rebellious and totally ignorant of people that loved her and wanted her to be better.

This old friend was given many opportunities to start again, but she remained the same. In time, the bulimia was gone and so was the cutting; sadly, the sorrow remained.

It wasn’t until last October that she saw the light at the end of a dark tunnel; she gave birth to a son.

Magically, she became beautiful again; she no longer looked like a withered flower; she was finally happy.

Her son saved her and blessed her with that happiness and peace that she had been searching for. She finally was ready for a new beginning.

Now I know that maybe she didn’t take all those lifelines because her fate was to have this child and give him all the love she never had.

It’s easy for everyone to say that each day is a new day and that we can always start over, but the truth is that maybe it’s not the right time to do so.

Not every day is a new day to start again, not everyday are we ready to do so.

I believe we are not always ready, I believe the day will come when we are.

Every day we are given a new opportunity in life, but not always are we ready to take it. This I believe.

Writers and suicide..

It’s sad that many writers end up committing suicide, have alcoholism problems, or drug issues, and/or present symptoms of insanity or a mental illness.

Well it is sad I believe this happens because as a writer you find out many things, you think more than the usual people would, feel more, see more, you reflectionise more than the average human does, and you find out the truth about a lot of things. And, well sometimes this is bad. There are a lot of things that you shouldn’t know or maybe things that are best if we leave them in the forgotten. Sometimes the truth hurts just way too much and sometimes we realize our own faults or become to obsess with a certain something which drives to insanity and maybe death. An artist is like a different type of human being. We have developed and live in a different perspective, we see things that others can’t, we feel things differently, read people different, we are different and sometimes this can kill. Other people can’t truly understand us, they can relate to us, I mean maybe a phrase or two or a piece or more strike them and they feel a certain way, but, they can’t understand unless they become us. Many great writers have fallen in this mess. Like Hemingway or like Tennessee Williams. Mr. Williams’s story is just such a sad tragedy, his beloved mentally ill sister, his alcoholism, the death of his one true love, among other events. It’s a shame that many artists end like this! Not just writers but painters as well and musicians. For example, Stephen King, who has been in mental hospitals and F. Nietzsche who had also ended up there as well. So many artists so many wonderful talented people have had so many misfortunes and even though they had most of what we desire their lives were just not that pleasant. These artists are some examples of some who ended up committing suicide, had an addiction, or a tragedy. Janis Joplin, Jimmy Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Edith Piaf, Pedro Armendariz, Vincent Van Gogh, Marilyn Monroe, Frida Kahlo…… Sometimes as an artist, writer, musician, etc. you can think more or see beyond more than the needed sometimes this is good and sometimes bad. You can become wiser than others and find the truth which is not always pleasant. Is it better to know or to not to know? Or to pretend you didn’t go beyond that thin transparent line? ©2009 Alessandra Paul. All Rights Reserved. Lyrics and poems shall not be taken or re-printed unless given permission. For more information, booking, and permission please contact: alessandrapaul_photography@yahoo.com .